Saya seorang student ipts and i want to share my story to those people who thinks that they are perfect. Like other typical confession, this confession is also about a person who is my housemate. I was that kind of girl that grew up with conservative parents. Honestly, my parents memang strict and plus i grew up in all girls school. So memang kurang berinteraksi secara physically with guys and people because i don’t really like making friends sebab banyak drama, endless drama lagi-lagi sekolah perempuan.
I was bullied during my primary school years, biasalah perempuan. It was my turning point, i grew up stronger. I was used to my parent’s presence and it really kills me when i started college. Hilang arah, hilang tempat mengadu, hilang tempat nak seek attention, hilang semuanya. A gentle reminder to parents out there or parents to be, tolong jangan manjakan anak sampaikan dia tak boleh berdikari or too attached to you. Bahaya, for example me. Living alone with my parents away gave a giant impact on me. Imagine, dari sekolah dah terbiasa bila balik je there must be someone who will listen to you tapi now balik class, no one. Bila dah terlalu attached dengan parents and ape pun jadi in your life, tak sah kalau tak bagitahu parents like kiranya you’re too dependent on your parents.
In my case, bila dah masuk ipts memang semua benda kena buat sendiri. Bayar fees sendiri (certain people boleh la cakap hak alah tu pun nak harap parents? well i’m that person yang ditatang dengan minyak yang penuh yg menyebabkan i jadi bergantung dekat orang). I’m that person who CANNOT handle loneliness. Mesti some of you will tell “ala nanti mati pun sorang jugak” Ye, itu pasti. When i first started college, it’s overwhelming. First time berjauhan dengan family but i was lucky, my housemate is a good person. For that i’m really grateful. We are so in sync sampaikan i dont bother making any friends because i was too dependent to her.
She is the place where i would pour my heart out every single time. But then, she took a different course. So jadual memang lain habis and mostly she is so busy but she never forget to take care of me, ya allah please protect her. I have known her since forever actually and she knows me inside out. She knows that i’m easy to be influenced that i can be out of control. She was busy, i was alone. I jadi completely lost sebab dah terbiasa spoonfed and people make decision for me. Bila dia takde, i had to cari something to do nak hilangkan rasa loneliness ni. Called my parents 5 times a day not forgotten, my brothers jugak. However, still…that loneliness tu tak hilang plus i have no one to talk to because i lost one of the special people in my life. Sadis! I start bergaul dengan my coursemates which is completely opposite of me.
Diaorg jenis keluar malam and lepak sampai pagi, masuk rumah lelaki perempuan tu macam nothing, shisha and smoking. Sometimes bila time solat and i kinda reminded them, diaorg macam diam and suddenly awkward silence plus tension. Mesti la uncomfortable nak mati kan? and as a person yang takde kawan and lonely nak mati of course i tried to fit in. Solat pun lopong-lopong. Prinsip i pun entah hilang ke mana. I started trying new things…that’s when my housemate started to meddle. It was okay at first, i rasa disayangi gila until she heard something from other people about me, maybe la. I pun tak tahu because she refused to say it to me whenever i confront her. Honestly, we have some heart to heart talk, why i did that and this. Dia faham and she still accept me the way i am…or maybe she had to? But because of something that she heard or know, dia terus macam jadi lain. Tambah lagi i jenis tak suka orang cakap half-half, kalau macam tu baik tak payah cakap terus. Senang cerita. So impact dia dekat i, i started to be miserable until at a point, i was suicidal. Because her treatment towards me dah lain and she is the only person that i depended on and still is. Sebab i sorang, sebab i jauh dari rumah dan parents dan sebab i takde kawan..
Whatever you heard of someone good or bad, there must be an explanation. Kenapa and kenapa and sometimes apa yang you dengar pun tak betul and she have right to defend herself tapi you tak kasi chance langsung or maybe she want to forget what she did sebab when it haunts her, she’ll go mad. Instead of trying to keep her wondering kenapa, apa salah i etc you better be honest with her. Because you don’t know what actually happened. I sedih gila because right now i felt so uncomfortable and everything i buat memang salah dekat mata you and akan ada benda yang you akan condemn. Maybe i’m better alone. Whatever makes you happy because i sayang you, dear friend.
– yours truly
Hantar confession anda di sini -> www.iiumc.com/submit
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